Monday, November 10, 2008

POV: love.

I'm always surprised and disappointed by the cynicism most people my age have towards love. It's questioned so much these days, either prefaced by an excuse ("I've only known him for a month...") or jadedly miscast as merely a chemical reaction. Too often, even my most hopelessly romantic friends (yes, I'm talking about you) prematurely claim that love is just not meant for them; that they're too "independent" or "not cut out" for relationships.

So many women, especially New York women, carry on with the most dreadful, blasé mentalities. I feel like my generation especially has raised their girls to treat love like some convoluted battle-approach, to believe that love is an act to be perfected through trial and error, through the ebb and flow of failed relationship after failed relationship. Since when did something as wonderful as love become so complicated and self-defeating, so meticulously examined and calculated?

Earlier, I had dinner with my good friend Anuja, and we discussed the many seemingly "inevitable" games women play in this love-dance. And after thoroughly examining both of our past experiences, from memories of thrilling very good dates to our individual methods of preening for male attention, I realized, shamefully, that when it comes to exploring love -- I'm a pretty seasoned warrior. Through my time at NYU, I've developed a thorough dating evaluation method and a weary attitude that the Sex and the City girls would applaud. Like Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte, I have quickly learned the ropes of the game and trekked through my fair share of sexually ambiguous men and awkward situations. With slim pickings at NYU, I thought I'd learned to know exactly what I wanted (and even then unrequited affection oftentimes reared its ugly head). But in fact, I knew nothing but my own defeated expectations.

This year, I've been fortunate to have made many new relationships - some platonic, a few romantic. More significantly, I think I'm making an effort to view this whole love thing and all its bountiful possibilities with new, fresher eyes. I have ceased the battle, and in turn, I think, am on my way to winning the game. All it takes is a different perspective.


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  2. Loved our girl talk over dinner last night and you couldn't have said it better! And of course as we girls know how to play the game, some of these guys out there know how to play just as well and drive us absolutely nuts with their actions. I don't know when dating and relationships all got so complicated but it sure is clear that many out there (including myself at times) just love the chase and the tease factors more than actually plunging headfirst into a relationship...once in, the "fun" is not as fun anymore. I guess as older girls reaching the peak of our teen years, flirting and other games are most appropriate because it's the way to "live your college experience to the max" and learn about different people, seeing whether they are a right fit for you. But maybe our perspective will change once we graduate and move on to other things...

    Love you...we must go for lunch or dinner again this week

  3. love you too, dear. can't wait for saturday brunch :)

  4. We chase perfection. When we lose eye of the fact that the only perfection out there is God.

    Yeah. I'm getting Christian on you.

    But yeah, I think the real problem is we are taught to "find someone who makes you feel happy" rather than "find someone who you can make happy"

    I think if we follow somewhere inbetween those two, love will be easier to find and keep. :)

  5. Oh yeah. Also

    Song of Solomon 2:7

    Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
    by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
    Do not arouse or awaken love
    until it so desires.


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