Sunday, March 3, 2013

living with purpose: why "emotional mirrors" keep us honest

My dears, I'd like to talk about a scary topic today-- our fears. I sometimes like to think that I am kind of fearless. I trust that whatever happens in my life is meant to happen, and I try not to force my control over everything... That's a little bit fearless, right?

Well, I've been learning a lot about my deepest fears lately and have been surprised by what I found. I think it's true that the more time you spend with people who love you, the more you learn about yourself. My friend Neetu last week called me her "mirror" and thanked me for reminding her of who she was. That really struck me and has stayed with me since.

People who love us are in a sense our "emotional mirrors," reflecting back our goals and keeping us accountable. They remind us of what we care about, but also out of love reveal what we haven't acknowledged out loud to ourselves. Their love and gentle guidance keeps us honest, because mirrors tell all.

One thing I've learned from my friends is my perspective on romantic relationships. My "mirrors" have helped reveal that I actually have quite a guarded heart when it comes to being vulnerable. And some of my standards which I thought were good ideals were actually rooted in my fears.

Ideals like... "he needs to love his family," or "he needs to be a Christian." While they are wonderful qualities, the root of these desires was based out of my fear of getting hurt and thinking that those qualities would minimize the risks (which is so untrue). 

My "mirrors" have shown me that I often "friend zone" because I'm afraid of rejection or of repeating the same broken relationships and mistakes from the past. I keep a safe distance because I'm afraid of loving, but not being loved in return. All this time, I thought I was being wise and discerning! Funny how self respect can be a guise for self preservation.
Emotional mirrors are terrifying. They can reveal that the foundations we carefully set up are actually made up of a thousand deep-rooted fears. It's humbling to think about, but when we do begin to accept that we can be fragile and a bit broken, we can be honest with our true selves. With help from our emotional mirrors, our friends and family, we can finally heal from those wounds and be free from them. And that's pretty fearless.

(Photo credit: Mermaid photo via ERIIN tumblr; photo of the dancers by Robert Doisneau; forgive tattoo via A Well Traveled Woman tumblr)

PS: Other Living With Purpose columns...

10 comments:

  1. I loved reading this post. I really do try to do all the things that scare me. I keep asking people to hang out with me, though the last two have said no. I went alone to a biker bar for lunch! I went on a blind date. The only thing I've ever seriously prayed for (in Notre Dame, where I felt God beside me) is to let my fear turn me into a better person. If it scares you, it's probably a good thing!

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    1. You are so brave, April! Truly fierce. I wish I had half of the boldness you do, and that makes you really special! xoxo

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  2. I think there's a lot of wisdom in standards but, at the same time, there reaches a point where, if we're going to find love, we have to let our guards down. Good luck to you in finding the middle ground! Thanks for sharing your heart.

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  3. Very insightful, I definitely agree. I've also met people in life whose greatest fear seems to be facing their inner truths and so they avoid having close friends for fear of being exposed to themselves. - Tishna

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  4. Thank you for this post. I was a lot like you for a really long time before I met Craig. Craig is nothing like the person I "thought" I wanted in my life. But I couldn't have found a better person for me, and now I'm lucky enough to be sharing my life with him. It's good to have those friends who open your eyes for you. And I agree with April; if it scares you, it's good :)

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    1. Love this advice, Alex -- if it scares you, it's probably going to change your life in the best way! :)

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  5. this post was great to read, makes me think :)

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  6. I love what you say here about friendship mirrors. I've found that the best friends in life are the ones that aren't afraid to tell you like it is out of love and desire to see the best in your life. They keep you accountable.

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  7. Tell me why should you fear?Is it needed?
    Ok.Emotion is such a thing which have no logic.

    chic

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